Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Bullshit works!!

A Few months back i decided to test one of my professor's intellect.Although there are some time and tested methods of doing this,i took the safe route...i wrote crap in my paper and was expecting to get blasted.But LO behold!!Not even an admonition.Worse,i scored 3 on 5 marks for that particular question.

Emboldened by her apparent lack of attention while evaluating my papers,i decided to take it to a further level.This time i shall target more questions and atleast get a special mention.Guess what happens??I happen to be the topper this time round!!!As my attempts have been insanely useful and,not to mention,quite popular too,I plan to help some of the poor earthling engineers by giving some valuable advice on how to write those utterly irritating and greek-and-latin tests.

RULE 1:When you plan to write bullshit,make sure the first line is technical.Because the attention span of a pea-brained lecturer is generally abysmally low.Sample this,

What are Ghost images?How can they be overcome?

Ghost images occur due to the lack of synchronisation between the frame and line deflection circuits.(i have absolutely no idea what this means).They have been found to occur while watching utterly scary movies,because your mind starts playing games.You are affected subliminally(note:you can also practice some GRE words here) and you start conjuring up GHOST IMAGES.They can be best overcome by not watching such movies.Or
else you might have to go to a shrink.

RULE 2:It also helps to end your answer with some techie stuff.

What is a turnstile array?

Turnstile array is nothing but an array consisting of a single tile that turns.you can see that it is a misnomer.it should have actually been "turningtile" since there is just one tile,but these engineers have no sense basically.they happily screw around with names making life difficult for those around them(that helped!!!).I guess,it is an antenna.
The last line was supposedly technical.i actually got full marks for that question

RULE 3:Try writing answers that tantalisingly make sense

What is adjacent channel interference?How can it be overcome?

Adjacent channel interference refers to the interference from a neighbouring channel.It is an
eavesdropper's paradise.It can be overcome by keeping the 2 adjacent channels as far apart as possible or else asking nosy people to just let it quit.

These are just time and tested rules which have been repeated for the convenience of some readers.Hope these help.And as a bonus,i shall also include one other answer that i wrote where "flashes of genius" can be seen.

What is persistence of vision?

When an image exists for one-sixteenth of a second after it is lost,it is called persistence of
vision.Whereas if it lasts for a lifetime,it maybe called a nightmare!!!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

BE THE MIRACLE!!!!

YAY!!!..YIPPEE!!!...Me has been tagged.i have been asked to write on something(its a heady feeling you know).This time the matter is quite serious,RDB inspired.Since i have become a great fan of the movie(i have actually planned to buy the movie,will be the first ever for me!!),I have planned to write.Bravo to Sudhish for starting this thread...your movie reviews rock!!

What do i do to be the change--unconditionally?

I plan to write more generally...

1.I shall no more be a hypocrite.I shall not come up with a patriotic anecdote to my friends about how my blood boiled when someone in the RTO office bribed the brake inspector to get the license and then go to the same inspector with a sheepish grin to get my license..I shall be honest.

2.I shall be much more involved in knowing about the politics of my country.A lesson i learned from RDB.We carp about how the country is going to the dogs,but what are we doing about it?What do we know about our country?How many of us care to know?Well,I plan to know something about the politics of my country everyday...An encouraging sign in this front is the party started by IITians,atlast some of the best minds of the country are trying to take the country forward..way to go!!

Pardon me for sounding so bombastic(I plan to write some dialogues for a CAPTAIN padam),I have always been the Big picture guy...Now onto some smaller things

3.One of the very basic things which im sure everyone who has been tagged would have probably included in his list is to stop littering.At the risk of sounding cliched,cleanliness is next only to godliness(sometimes banality gets the point across better than grandiloquence)

4.I shall be a much more tolerant Human being.I shall not let my heart rule me.This may not sound like its got anything to do with the thread but seeing the kind of riots around the country by zealots in the name of religion,I do feel We can be a little more tolerant,not apathetic,but tolerant.

5.I shall be proud to be an Indian.Not many of us feel that way.Make no mistakes,I dont mean to be a jingoist,just a patriot.

Being a neophyte to the blogosphere,I dont have anyone to tag.

P.S.:It does feel wicked to include some absolutely clueless but pompous words in your writing..thanks to GRE