Bullshit works!!

A Few months back i decided to test one of my professor's intellect.Although there are some time and tested methods of doing this,i took the safe route...i wrote crap in my paper and was expecting to get blasted.But LO behold!!Not even an admonition.Worse,i scored 3 on 5 marks for that particular question.

Emboldened by her apparent lack of attention while evaluating my papers,i decided to take it to a further level.This time i shall target more questions and atleast get a special mention.Guess what happens??I happen to be the topper this time round!!!As my attempts have been insanely useful and,not to mention,quite popular too,I plan to help some of the poor earthling engineers by giving some valuable advice on how to write those utterly irritating and greek-and-latin tests.

RULE 1:When you plan to write bullshit,make sure the first line is technical.Because the attention span of a pea-brained lecturer is generally abysmally low.Sample this,

What are Ghost images?How can they be overcome?

Ghost images occur due to the lack of synchronisation between the frame and line deflection circuits.(i have absolutely no idea what this means).They have been found to occur while watching utterly scary movies,because your mind starts playing games.You are affected subliminally(note:you can also practice some GRE words here) and you start conjuring up GHOST IMAGES.They can be best overcome by not watching such movies.Or
else you might have to go to a shrink.

RULE 2:It also helps to end your answer with some techie stuff.

What is a turnstile array?

Turnstile array is nothing but an array consisting of a single tile that turns.you can see that it is a misnomer.it should have actually been "turningtile" since there is just one tile,but these engineers have no sense basically.they happily screw around with names making life difficult for those around them(that helped!!!).I guess,it is an antenna.
The last line was supposedly technical.i actually got full marks for that question

RULE 3:Try writing answers that tantalisingly make sense

What is adjacent channel interference?How can it be overcome?

Adjacent channel interference refers to the interference from a neighbouring channel.It is an
eavesdropper's paradise.It can be overcome by keeping the 2 adjacent channels as far apart as possible or else asking nosy people to just let it quit.

These are just time and tested rules which have been repeated for the convenience of some readers.Hope these help.And as a bonus,i shall also include one other answer that i wrote where "flashes of genius" can be seen.

What is persistence of vision?

When an image exists for one-sixteenth of a second after it is lost,it is called persistence of
vision.Whereas if it lasts for a lifetime,it maybe called a nightmare!!!

BE THE MIRACLE!!!!

YAY!!!..YIPPEE!!!...Me has been tagged.i have been asked to write on something(its a heady feeling you know).This time the matter is quite serious,RDB inspired.Since i have become a great fan of the movie(i have actually planned to buy the movie,will be the first ever for me!!),I have planned to write.Bravo to Sudhish for starting this thread...your movie reviews rock!!

What do i do to be the change--unconditionally?

I plan to write more generally...

1.I shall no more be a hypocrite.I shall not come up with a patriotic anecdote to my friends about how my blood boiled when someone in the RTO office bribed the brake inspector to get the license and then go to the same inspector with a sheepish grin to get my license..I shall be honest.

2.I shall be much more involved in knowing about the politics of my country.A lesson i learned from RDB.We carp about how the country is going to the dogs,but what are we doing about it?What do we know about our country?How many of us care to know?Well,I plan to know something about the politics of my country everyday...An encouraging sign in this front is the party started by IITians,atlast some of the best minds of the country are trying to take the country forward..way to go!!

Pardon me for sounding so bombastic(I plan to write some dialogues for a CAPTAIN padam),I have always been the Big picture guy...Now onto some smaller things

3.One of the very basic things which im sure everyone who has been tagged would have probably included in his list is to stop littering.At the risk of sounding cliched,cleanliness is next only to godliness(sometimes banality gets the point across better than grandiloquence)

4.I shall be a much more tolerant Human being.I shall not let my heart rule me.This may not sound like its got anything to do with the thread but seeing the kind of riots around the country by zealots in the name of religion,I do feel We can be a little more tolerant,not apathetic,but tolerant.

5.I shall be proud to be an Indian.Not many of us feel that way.Make no mistakes,I dont mean to be a jingoist,just a patriot.

Being a neophyte to the blogosphere,I dont have anyone to tag.

P.S.:It does feel wicked to include some absolutely clueless but pompous words in your writing..thanks to GRE

EXTREME GAMERS VS KOOTHU PATRAI!!!

After an increasingly long time(about an year to be precise) spent dreaming about winning a cricket match out of my sheer talent and getting frustrated with absolutely inane siddhuisms,I actually got a chance to get some on-field action...Yes!!!I got to play cricket...
Well,there is this rather exciting,albeit stupidly titled,tournament called lagaan cup where a lot of people in my college come up with ridiculous team names(22 balls,Xtreme gamers,koothu patrai and so on so forth..) and some people play great cricket.And what's more,we use tennis ball and not the conventional cricket ball where you live in the constant fear of being a hit by a speeding ball directed towards you by some jealous batsman.This is the place where you can try some of the shots that Dhoni plays at your own physical risk(to be precise,you run the risk of injuring your wrists,arms,legs,head,eyes,knee...)
Coming to the actual match we were pitted against a rather easy team to beat who were best known for their innovative profanities and one particular shahrukh clone(wrong place dude,we need Aamir here).Really mediocre bowling attack and not a great batting line up to talk about,it should have been a routine day in the park for us,but Boy!! did we mess it up!!
We won the toss and as expected elected to bat(I'm used to this expression used by commentators everywhere,no one was expecting us to bat or bowl.The crowd there comprised of 11 members from each team).After a promising start,we lost our way and got to 71 off 10 overs.Good by any standards,but considering the fact that you are playing with a tennis ball and that the ground was about 1/10th the size of the smallest ground in Bangladesh,we knew we were goners.
They started off pretty well,actually,we let them start off well .The first over cost us 16 runs.We knew we were fighting a lost cause.Fielding did not help our cause either.We were not just giving them gifts,we were also giving them our credit card numbers!With everyone having an opinion and every opinion acknowledged,none actually worked and before we knew it was all over.
Well the boys played badly,it was just an off day(I MISS DADA).but the point is it feels good to know that i have some active muscles in my body and they do tend to get flexed every now and then.Good to know that i have aching muscles i never even knew existed..
And btw,yours truly did not make golden duck but got out off the second ball and gave away the winning runs!!!!

taking the plunge

Hi
I HATE BLOGS!!!..I had to spend a really long time to come up with a name in which i could have plainly done lot more important things,so imagine the time it would have taken for me to write this bullshit!!I HATE THIS!!!..i mean why is it that i feel it absolutely necessary to write a blog even though i have absolutely no idea what im gonna write about.Is it because i wanna flaunt my ignorance?No,i have better ways of doing that like writing my college exams.Why is it that even after 3 fiascos at writing a blog i still feel compelled to write another one?
If you r expecting any answers for these rather pertinent questions,U AINT GONNA GET ANYTHING!!!I am here because half the people i know r writing blogs and i think i can do better than most of them.
I am basically a very pleasant guy you know with the usual tantrums of a very normal guy with mood swings at mega hertz rate(im also a geek).
You can expect a bit of Bill watterson and Ambrose Bierce in my blogs(I am a little ambitious).
keep coming here and do appreciate my blogs.Ill try to keep these updated cos i am as jobless as you are